All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
