she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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