She said her name was "party"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
