i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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