new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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