Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
