i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
