The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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