Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
