tell your sister to shave her snatch
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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