A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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