Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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