I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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