News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
