somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
