I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
