Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
