dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
bring money and cleavage
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
