toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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