I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
