i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
