you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
