Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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