come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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