oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize