But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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