Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Welp...herpes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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