I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up under a house in Key West
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