Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
