peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
