If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
