I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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