There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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