My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
