I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
