I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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