Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
