I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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