the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
