so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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