I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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