Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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