I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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