Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
