I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
