And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
