i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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