We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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