garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
