piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
