Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
