They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
