That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
