He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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