i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
