she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
