U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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