You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
