You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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