FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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