If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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