My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
