apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
