There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
