I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
