I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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