How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize