Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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