She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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