I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
