Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
