Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
