Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
